Monday, 3 September 2012

Fifty Shades of Green

I read a recent article on E L James along with millions of others, presumably, wondering at her good fortune and wishing it were me wearing the smug expression.

I am in the unenviable position of not having read the dratted book and not wanting to buy it.  I put this down to pettiness and an inflated sense of my own importance in the world of literature.  I would be loading her coffers and betraying my high standards. Also, I understand that there are rude bits that might either shock or bore me, according to the comments left by those who have read the ' best-selling book in Britain of all time'.

Surely this must be wrong. I climb onto a higher horse and think of Shakespeare, Dickens, J K Rowling or Eric Carle.  How could we love her this much?  

One answer that springs to mind is that it is because she has become controversial, and everyone loves a good fight.  Or it could be that we really do think about sex most of the time and want to find out new ways of doing it. Then again, it may be that, just as we will queue for anything that looks as though someone else might want it, we will buy a book that is popular because everyone else is doing so.

The fact remains that E L James has written a book that has outsold every other book written and distributed in Britain to date.  I would pinch myself if I could find a part of my body that wasn't already blue.  Or should I say green?  

Yes, I am envious.  I'll admit it. But I have an idea, courtesy of Jak in Ambleside who reports that locals receive a free pair of fluffy pink handcuffs with every purchase - perhaps a free pair of Playboy bunny ears with every copy of Bunny on a Bike would do the trick?  

In the meantime, I shall content myself with skimming the first (free) chapters on Amazon in an effort to be as outraged and pedantic as possible.  When, one day, I become more magnanimous and less bitter, I will download the book and give it my undivided attention over a cup of coffee and a suitable electronic device... 

Bev Spicer is the author of Bunny on a Bike (humorous memoir of a Playboy croupier in 80s London:

New book out soon:  My Grandfather's Eyes (dark thriller).



  1. Hey great post! I am hearing reports trickling in on those who wish they could recoup the cost of buying book one. Maybe it is just a case of mass "I want to read it because everyone else is". I am borrowing a copy to read for that reason.

  2. Don't blame you for looking. Bound to get something out of it, after all. Thanks for checking out my blog.