My Grandfather's Eyes - Chilling Psychological drama

Prologue

I have never been beautiful.  And, of course, my appearance has deteriorated over time.  It is something I have become used to.  When I look in the mirror these days, and that is not very often, I am not surprised by what I see.  Neither am I disappointed, as I have given up hope of catching myself in a good light. 

Let me tell you what I see.  First, the shape of my head is noticeably irregular, with a medium-sized bump just in front of the crown.  Next, my forehead is lined.  It always has been, ever since I can remember. People used to say I must be a deep thinker.  Only some of them were being kind.   Now the lines are deeper, but the traces they follow date back to my school days, when they did not go unnoticed by bullies.  My eyes are large and green; some might say they are intelligent eyes, that they are insightful or sincere.  I have learned not to set much store by what other people say. 

I have meagre lashes, but it is usually boys who have the lavish kind.  My nose is straight and my mouth is full.  My hair is mousy, fine and thin.   When I was young, I wanted thick, straight blond hair, like my friend Lizzy’s.  We all want what we cannot have.

There is perhaps nothing so far to complain about very much, you might say.  And so I come to my moles: the crawling growths that spread themselves over the side of my face and the underside of my jaw.  If you could see me now, you would probably recoil. I have noticed that even the most educated, the most sympathetic person has difficulty in hiding the innate disgust my moles excite in them.  Ah, yes.  Disgust is not too harsh a word, I can assure you.  And the others? Those who make no attempt to hide their feelings towards me?  They cannot help themselves, but stare in horror at what they see, as they sit on the bus clutching their shiny, plastic bags full of new things or as they push their wholesome choices around the supermarket.   Young children are the worst.  I do not admire their honesty, as their obsequious parents do. 

My moles. My nevi.  How can I describe them?  I should say they are more or less dark brown in colour, although there are two above my left eye that are noticeably lighter.  My husband called them Castor and Pollux.  All have a rubbery, soft texture and, apart from one large mole near my ear, are hairless.  The one near my ear has short, thick hairs that bristle untidily.  My husband had a name for this one too.  He loved me too much.  He couldn’t help it.  None of us can choose whom we love.

What more can I tell you?   That I am ambivalent to my nevi? That Castor and Pollux are my favourites?  That I like them for being different?  You may think this kind of reasoning strange and I would not blame you.  I can only explain it as a truth, a principle that has grown inside me as my moles have swelled and spread; have become part of my life.   Now, I am not sure I could be separated from them. 

There was a time when I believed my mother loved me. A time when she called me beautiful and, because I was not yet self-aware, I let myself be preened and cosseted in exchange for the comfort I felt from the warm glow of her approval.  I did not notice how she suffered. I did not recognise the mortification that lay beneath her smile.

But wait a moment, a story must start somewhere nearer its beginning, and so I will go back and show myself more clearly to you, before I reveal what I have done.  I expect that you will judge me.

But I do not care.

Click here to view on Amazon

New crime/mystery by B A Spicer

Alice isn't a conventional woman.  And she isn't a conventional detective.

Tall, slim, and some would say elegant in an old fashioned way, she has never married.  Her vocation as a policewoman is all consuming.

Long ago and far away, there was a man she cared for and who cared for her.  She sometimes remembers him, especially when she is in the company of her daughter, Jude.  It occasionally occurs to Alice that Harald will appear out of the blue, and she wonders what would happen if he did.  But for the most part her work absorbs her, sometimes too much.

Climbing the ranks to Detective Chief Inspector was not easy.  However, it was an undeniable fact that Alice Candy had a talent that could not be ignored, and finally she settled in a medium-sized town called Allarton, in the East of England, close to her daughter and her new husband.

Teamed with Detective Sergeant Will Brady, a bright, meticulous and loyal officer, they make a formidable duo.

Now in her early forties, Alice feels a calm brought on by personal and financial security.  She observes the world and the people she knows with a rye understanding, free of cynicism or judgement.  She is content.

Excitement comes when a case arrives on her desk that ignites her senses to a certain anomaly or incongruity in an otherwise obvious crime.  Then, with Will at her side, she dives into a world of subterfuge and lies, sniffing out clues that will lead her to success.

In her latest challenge, a simple hit and run turns out to be anything but...

Click to view on Amazon

Available in paperback or as an ebook.

We all want the same things, don't we?

Once we are fed and watered, once the bills are paid, once we feel stable and secure, we look for something more.  A challenge of some sort, perhaps.

And as we become more sure of ourselves, more accomplished, we gravitate towards others to share something greater.

We can call it Love, but Love has many forms.  And many obstacles stand in its way.

Set in France, and with a definite French flavour, A Life Lived Twice follows a group of surprisingly disparate characters whose lives are linked in unexpected ways.  They are intelligent people, capable of making intelligent choices.  But choices bring unforeseen consequences, don't they?

A Life Lived Twice is FREE for one day only (9th November).

Click here to view on Amazon

I Get It

Reading through some of the one-star reviews of this book I was interested to note that a lot of people, twelve percent in fact, left comments like: 'ramblings of a teenage drunk', 'pile of rubbish', and my personal favourite: ' a blasphemy to the beauty of the English language'.  It was variously described as dull, tedious, repetitive, and lacking any kind of plot.  But the most frequent complaint was that it was disappointing.

When a book is described as a classic it's difficult not to expect something great.  Something that will perhaps change your perspective on the world.  If you read it, looking for this something and fail to find it, then, yes, it will surely disappoint.

It's happened to me and it's happened to you (I'm assuming).  We've all been disappointed by classic reads at some time or other.

The Catcher in the Rye is just one of those books.  You love it or hate it.  You find treasure or you don't.  You get it, or you don't get it.

This one, I got.

Now I have to say what it is that I 'got'.  To the best of my ability.  Which, I can tell you, is a daunting prospect.  It really is.

If you've read J D's classic, you'll notice the style of the last paragraph - a poor mimic, I'll admit.  But the style of writing is what first strikes the reader.  Here we have a seventeen-year-old boy telling us in 1950s teenage language, about his situation - he's at a prestigious boarding school, about to be kicked out after 'flunking' his exams.  And he's talking directly to us, first person, up close and personal.

I could describe the plot, but if you want an excellent summary you can visit Wikipedia.  I'd recommend it, especially after you've read the book, for all the snippets of peripheral information about the author.

What I want to say, to try to say, is why this book is one of my all-time best reads.

It's true that Holden Cauldfield (I love the strangeness of his name) is lazy, reactive, immature...but he is also hanging on to what he sees as 'real', what is not 'phony'.  His thoughts and interactions with other people are often superficial, his conversations repetitive, but mixed in amongst the simmering chaos of his life there are moments of astounding beauty.  It's like walking through a field of mud and finding something precious.  I don't mean something like a diamond or a wallet.  Rather consider coming across a baby bird, injured and near death.  Holden would pick it up, carry it away, make it well, if he could. 

Now, I've made the book sound soppy, but it's not.  True, it's nostalgic.  It takes you back.  Makes you remember feelings you had as a child growing up.  Holden Cauldfield reminds you that in a world of  fixed pathways through education, to a career and happiness, there are stop-offs along the way that blow any plan out of the water.  For him, it's where the duck go when the pond freezes over, the essay he wrote about his dead brother's baseball glove, the record he bought (and accidentally broke) for his sister Phoebe, or the trips to the Museum of Natural History when he was younger (he notices small changes and wishes things had stayed exactly the same).  These moments stand out amongst the mud and daily grind to nowhere like a beating heart.

As he gravitates towards home and his beloved younger sister, Phoebe, he follows a young boy walking carelessly in the gutter along a busy street.  He feels the boy's parents are unaware of the danger he is in.  Then, the boy begins to sing:

"If a body catch a body coming through the rye,"

which strikes Holden with its simple joy.  It also leads him to formulate a plan - a plan based on his understanding of the above line, which is a misquote from Burn's poem.  Holden sees himself standing at the edge of a field of rye where children are playing and shouting near a cliff edge.  As they run and play, unaware of the danger, Holden will stand guard and catch them when they fall.

I must admit, as I came to the final pages I wondered how on earth there could be a satisfying ending to a book that covers a three-day period in the life of a moody teenager.  The final paragraph, for me, is genius.  See what you think.

Whether or not you get the punch to the stomach and the shock to brain from these moments of insight, of clarity and simplicity, is probably down to how you are wired.  I don't want to sound smug or superior - there's plenty I don't get about a whole plethora of things.  I just can't help being amazed by this particular book and grateful to J D for writing it.

Here's the link if you want to give it a try:  Catcher in the Rye

Novels by B. A. Spicer

I have written a number of novels, all of which are character-driven and involve intricate plots that will keep you guessing.  I believe that the writing itself should be a major part of a book's appeal.


My latest release is Locked Away.  A quick, tense read.

Ellie wakes to find herself in darkness, lying on bare earth with her mouth taped and her hands tied. After the panic subsides, she endeavours to learn as much as she can about her elusive captor, in a bid to outwit him.

But this is no ordinary abduction and it requires the services of no ordinary detective. 

Cue DCI Alice Candy – she has a reputation for getting her man. Her methods might be unorthodox, her rumoured extrasensory perception might be scoffed at, but with DS Will Brady at her side, there is no better chance for the young woman who is locked away. 

This is the first book in the DCI Alice Candy series.  The second will be available early in 2018.

View on Amazon

View in other stores: Apple, Kobo, Nook, Inktera

My Grandfather's Eyes is my first published novel, although it was not the first I wrote.
I tend to enjoy creating flawed characters, and Alex is probably one of my most complex.  There isn't much to like about her, it's true, but she does have some serious issues to deal with.  Her single-minded approach to investigating the past so that she can move on with her life often has shocking consequences.  What has she done and what will she do next?  These are the questions that drive the story forward.
You can download a free sample of My Grandfather's Eyes to find out whether Alex is the type of character you might enjoy.  Just click on the link below:

Amazon UK

Amazon US

A Good Day for Jumping follows the lives of Stephen Firth, a handsome, rich, promiscuous young man and Joyce Shackleton, a deeply surprising middle-aged woman. (No, they are not going to have a torrid affair - sorry to disappoint!  Their stories are linked in a much more subtle and interesting way.)

Set in Greece, where I lived for two years, there is a many-layered plot involving characters whose worlds collide in the most disturbing ways.  

There are characters you can really care about and others you may despise.  The world is not full of perfect people, after all.

Follow the link below and look inside - you will find yourself in the small town of Rethymnon on the island of Crete, where Stephen Firth is considering his options.

Amazon UK

Amazon US

A Life Lived Twice is quite different in format to my first two novels, with shorter chapters and rather more well-balanced characters, who lead normal lives and whose interactions do not always lead to disaster!  However, there are the usual scandals associated with a close-knit society and there is also Claude Cousteau (the undertaker's son) to add a touch of evil that will undermine the pleasant comings and goings in the small French village of St. Martin le Vieux, where our heroine, Martha Burton, has bought a traditional Charentaise house, and has attracted the attentions of her handsome neighbour.

 

Follow the link and download a free sample to find out how the idyll of everyday life in a French setting has no bearing on a man who has grown up in an altogether more disturbing environment.

Amazon UK

Amazon US

What I Did Not Say is my most recent novel.  Jessica Morley is on her way to meet with a man she hasn't seen for fifteen years.  In her bag there is a package she must deliver.  As she travels south, she remembers Jack Banford, a boy who captured her imagination as a child and made her believe in a fure that could never happen.  Now it is time for her to set the record straight and finally pu the past behind her.  If you like a good courtroom drama, you'll love part two of this well-received story of love and cruelty in all its forms.

Amazon UK

Amazon US