Bev and Carol on what to have for tea.

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Carol excavates a molar.

'What shall we have for tea?' 

Bev looks up from her collection of poems by Baudelaire.

'These poems are amazing. There's one about his lover's hair.  Shall I-'

'It's in French!'

'Oh, yeah. Sorry.'

'Not Pop Tarts.'

'What?'

'Anything but Pop bloody Tarts.'

'Rice-'

'Or rice bloody pudding!'

'Toast?'

'Okay.'

'We need some bread from the shops.'

'Alright.'

'And some butter.'

'What?'

'And the toaster's broken.'

'What kind of Pop Tarts have we got?'

   'O shadows of fleece falling and billowing upon those bare
   Young shoulders! O rich perfume of forgetfulness!
   Ecstasy! To populate the evening 

   With memories hidden in this tumultuous mane,
   I long to shake it out like a handkerchief!'

Bev allows the words to resonate in the ensuing silence.

Carol stands up and regards her with an indifferent stare. 'On second thoughts, I'll get some lamb chops from the Co-op.'

She takes her purse and leaves.

'Don't forget the mint sauce!' Bev calls, before settling down with her book and curling a strand of hair around her finger.

This is not an extract from Bunny on a Bike.  (But it is the kind of conversation Bev and Carol might have.)  http://tinyurl.com/7bqly8k

The Problem with Memoirs

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When I wrote Bunny on a Bike I listed it as a memoir and as chick lit.  Events are based on my real experiences at the Edgware Road Playboy casino in 1981. 

Simple.

Not really.  More than a few people have said that they think I should include more information about the plot, on my blog and in my Amazon summary.  They want to know what happens.

This is obviously a sticking point and I have to tackle it if I want anyone to read my book.  So, here goes.  Please tell me whether I have hooked you by the end of it!

Carol and Bev are graduates, with no idea about what they want to do for a living.  They see an advert for Playboy croupiers, and with a typical lack of forethought, decide to apply.   After parading in bikinis and completing gruelling maths tests (with a certain amount of cheating), they get the job.  They do four weeks training at Victor Lownes’ mansion in Tring, where there is free-flowing champagne and a well-stocked juke box.  They are commandeered to be photographed with Victor on his return from hospital and are invited to attend one of his weekend parties where they meet Peter Cook and Kenny Lynch (Bev has him confused with Kenny Everett!). They encounter unscrupulous landlords, and exact a savage revenge.  They deal blackjack to punters with more money than sense, and give the reader an amusing insight into life inside the casino.  Along the way, they make us laugh with their very different attitudes to life and the various adventures they have in London.

Bunny on a Bike is a memoir.  It is anecdotal, unfolding chronologically and told in the first person.  Its tone is ironic and its protagonists offer us an uplifting and humorous account of the process of becoming a Playboy croupier.  If you like frivolity and fun, if you like a dry kind of humour, if you like to laugh, you will love Bunny on a Bike. 

Are you still there?

(Read the first couple of chapters on Amazon for free.  Hope you like it and thank you for reading my blog.)

Carol on Sting

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I wanted to ask Carol what it was that attracted her to Sting.  She had never said very much about her feelings, and I was curious.  Could it be that she admired his ideas on Descartes’ concept of the duality of mind-body?  Did she share his concern for the political pressures of the Cold War and the nuclear threat?  Was it his background in Education and his reflections on Nabokov that she found so irresitible? 

I decided to ask her.

‘Carol, could you explain exactly what it is that makes Sting so special to you?’

She is buttering toast.  She pauses to look at me.  I know that her reply will be heartfelt.

‘Well, let me see,’ she licks her fingers and sits down at the kitchen table, scratching her inner thigh thoughtfully. ‘Yeah, I think it’s because he’s so bloody blond and drop dead gorgeous.  Oh, and bastard rich, too.’

She is a maths graduate.  I should have remembered.

(Carol and Bev are characters in my new book 'Bunny on a Bike' available on Amazon Kindle - why not take a look?)

Just Testing

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I’ve written a book about the time I spent working for Playboy in 1981.  It’s about the experiences of Bev (that’s me – more or less) and Carol (more of a fictional character, to be honest – didn’t think that my real pal would want to appear in something I’d written).

‘Who are you calling fictional, you silly tart?’

‘Well, you are!  How would you describe yourself, then?’

‘Solid,’ she has missed the point.

‘You’re missing the point!’

‘No, I’m not.  You’ve told lots of lies about yourself.  What makes you any more real than me?’

This is how it is with Carol and Bev.  They are best friends.  The adventures they have at the Edgware Road casino are based on true events, but I’ll admit that I might possibly have cast them in rather a good light from time to time.

‘I’d like to know where!’ Carol is in a huff.

‘Well, you are the funny one – everyone says so, and the most likeable.’

‘Yeah, and you get the gorgeous boyfriend – I get Dave.  Where did he come from?’

‘What’s wrong with Dave?’  This is a stupid question, because there is quite a lot wrong with Dave, and Carol answers it with one of her looks.

Anyway, if you have time, take a look at the first couple of chapters on Amazon Kindle.  You might like it.

‘Of course they will!’  It’s Carol again.  She seems to be serious. There must be a catch.

‘Thanks, Carol.  You’re a real-’

‘If they are as deranged as you are!'

She may have a point, but I’m hoping you’ll ignore her and have a look anyway.

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